Hi!
True function of the ego.
In the book ‘Surrender to the God Within’ the authors explain very clearly how the source of fear is due to a misunderstanding of the function of the ego and its relationship to the real Self. Humanity’s unhappy condition is due primarily to ignorance about the real Self. If people were educated with the idea and the goal that they contain something deep within themselves that is infinitely superior to the ego self, they would be given the opportunity, by experimentation and exploration, to seek communication with this Source. They would become able to reach their true inner being.
Instead they stake all their reliance on the limited ego self. Since the ego cannot replace, or in any way come near the resourcefulness of the real Self, it’s inevitable that such people – and they comprise the majority of human beings – become tremendously frightened and insecure. Substitute pleasures are frantically looked for – pleasures that are hollow and leave them exhausted and dissatisfied.
The authors go on to say that the functions of the ego are only to memorise, learn and collect knowledge. It is equipped to remember, to sort out, to select, and make decisions. It is needed to cope and perform in this 3D existence. But the ego’s capacities to cope with life and to live life productively are downright insufficient and leave the individual uncertain, insecure and inadequate. The real Self, on the other hand, always has answers, always has solutions, no matter what the problem is.
The ego must know that it is only a servant to the greater being within. Its main function is to seek contact with the greater Self within. To request help from the greater self and establish contact permanently with it. After the ego has fulfilled this task it must step aside and allow the real Self to come forth with its intuition and inspiration and let it direct the path of the individual and call upon the unlimited resources of the real Self.
Relationships.
This is particularly true in relationships, especially intimate relationships; in fact Dr Kaushik in his book 'Organic Alchemy' tells us how relationship is the greatest teacher in life and a tool for transformation. When you are challenged by problems, you are forced to look within yourself. Every relationship acts like a mirror if only you are willing to look at it.
Most people pursue physical pleasure or various forms of psychological gratification because they believe that those things will make them happy or free from a feeling of fear or lack. This particularly applies to falling in love. However, after the euphoria wears off, the pain, fear or lack becomes exposed again. In a real relationship partners will help each other to focus on the Now, the power of the presence that dissolves past and pain, the reality that dissolves the illusion.
The blindness of the ego is that it thinks that ultimately it will find a true mate or soul mate. As long as you are ego centred, you will never find this mate. Only when you have discovered the inner male and female and harmonised them is there a possibility of finding a soul mate on the outside. Two people in search of happiness cannot give happiness to each other. Two beggars cannot make each other rich; they may only make each other forget their poverty for a while. For love is a state which is free of self-seeking and the ego.
This can only be brought about by self-awareness, for if you can understand yourself in relationship with another and find out how your ego causes the barrier, you can go beyond this barrier. Because once this ego comes to an end, you are back in a state of love. Any problem forces us back into the Now, the emptiness, where we find the fullness.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” (Joseph Campbell 1904-1987)
When we experience a series of shifts, more Light is activated and inevitably areas that are not aligned with the 4D are exposed. In my case there was a particular big area that needed to be aligned and I like to share it with you.
I have finally emerged from the vessel of organic alchemy which I jumped into last year. I met and fell deeply in love with someone to whom I was going to get married. However, at a particular point in the relationship, although still deeply in love, the 4D part of me was sufficiently developed to make the 3D me realise that marriage was not to be the outcome of our connection. The acceptance of this by my 3D self made it possible for a huge dis-identification and shift in regards to romantic love to take place. The process took six months and ended in September, with the experience of an actual sensation of something breaking away, a release, followed by a feeling of freedom and further lifting of the veil.
This particular identification of searching for a soul mate had been a strong one all my adult life. It seemed to offer liberation from fear, need, lack, incompleteness. Romantic love makes us feel ‘high’, because we are to be made to feel special and worthy which gives us a false sense of security. This type of love is conditioned, as the 3D ego needs the ‘loved one’ to continue being that source of false fulfilment. “As long as your ego runs your life, most of your thoughts, emotions and actions arise from desire and fear. In relationships you then either want or fear something from others”. (Eckhart Tolle)
The deep grief my 3D self went through, accepting and watching this romantic ‘dream’ die, was the opportunity to finally break my 3D ego pattern of identifying fulfilment, happiness and security with finding a soul mate and make me realise that romantic love is a huge projection of all our unfulfilled needs, the part that is unlived in us, on to another person.
One day when I was pondering about all this, I realised that the emotional pain I was feeling was my own separation from God, from my true self. It made me see how I used to hide behind relationships by being the rescuer, by being Mrs Fix it, in order to not have to face and take responsibility for my own fears. And this very special relationship brought up all those deep seated fears about accepting my self as I am and being my self. I realised I no longer wanted to hide anymore, that I was ready to face my fears and consider my own mission in life first.
It's like a veil has lifted and I am suddenly realising I can be the ‘me’ that was already always there in essence. Now my focus has shifted to owning and expressing those projected qualities which are in my self. There is such freedom in no longer wanting to live through another person, no more compromising, no longer needing another person to feel that confidence in myself. Because as Tolle says, ultimately of course, there is no other, and you are always meeting yourself.
Deaths are simply endings followed by new beginnings. This particular death, painful as it might have been, has been so very rewarding, and I am so thankful to my partner back then for having given me this gift.
“The best day of our life is the day on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins”. – Author unknown.
I'd like to end by quoting Kahlil Gibran on marriage:
Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone.
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts but not into each others' keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart.
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.
Till next time,
with love,
Fif
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