Game Quotes
Game One
Game Two
Game Three
Game Four
Game Five
Game Six
Game Seven
Game Eight
Game Eight
Game Ten
Game Eleven
Game Twelve
Game Thirteen
Game Fourteen
Game Fifteen
Game Fifteen
Game Seventeen
Game Eighteen
Karma is besieged by wolves and Dworkin pops in to help:
DM Neil: Hobbling over, Dworkin flicks his staff under the wolf's jaw, and breaks its neck.
OOC Artemis: Oooooh! Yoda Dworkin!
DM Neil: So Artemis, what are you doing?
Artemis: I am hunting a fine young stag that has just reached his prime, his manhood. I'll stop that young stag! He'll not deflower any does!
OOC Damon: Artemis, Defender of Chastity!
Artemis was raised as a Goddess:
Artemis: So, who is your father?
Damon: My father is Prince Julian.
Artemis: Oh, only a prince?
Bleys: (smile) That's Daddy's little girl...
Artemis: I am the Goddess of the Moon!
OOC Jasmine: Ahhh, so that is why you have such a short skirt on.
Jasmine, daughter of Dierdre returns to Amber after a very long absence:
Jasmine: What news?
Harry (the guard): Oh, and Brand is in the abyss, he's dead, and so is.... oh. Um, I think your Uncle Gerard should tell you that one.
The guards surround the carriage that has just pulled up bearing Bleys (delcared enemy of Amber after the little Mt Kolvir incident), his daughter Artemis, and Damon the Human Shield:
Artemis: How dare you draw steel against the King of the Gods!! Strike them down with lightening, Father!
Damon: Tell Gerard that Bleys is in the courtyard and he comes in peace.
Artemis: Peace? Peace?! We will wrest this place from you, peasant scum!!!
Artemis: Father! Why are they not on their knees in your presence?
Bleys: The last time I was here, I was at the head of an army.
Artemis: All the more reason that they should be on their knees!!
Bleys: It was a losing army.
Artemis: A losing army???
Bleys: I had bad help.
Jasmine: Everyone else has a personal servant. I have a rug.
Artemis: Everyone whispers in my presence. I don't know why.
Karma: Well, you have two options.
Artemis: Leave, or kill something!
Karma: Okay... Three options.
Damon: Can I find a way of telling how long the books have been missing?
DM Neil: No, nothing you can tell.
OOC Damon: Damn! That's it! My next charater will be a forensic scientist!
Bleys ineffectively reassures Jasmine:
Bleys: Don't you worry. Ha ha. Uncle Bleys is here.
Artemis is woken early by someone banging on her door:
Artemis: Balls of Chronos! Who the fuck is that?
DM Neil: A travelling servant passes you in the corridor.
Peanut Gallery: What does a traevelling servant wear? A backpack and hiking boots perhaps?
Karma: I grab Artemis in an arm hold, and march her back to her room.
OOC Damon: Weeeeeell... Now we know who's the steroid abuser.
DM Neil: The footman gestures to the door for Artemis and Karma. "Your Highnesses?"
OOC Artemis: One Highness, two Highni?
Conversation in the infirmary:
Damon (to Karma): You only got knocked out by a carriage! The elements - lightning - hit me!
DM Neil: It's a redhead thing.
OOC Artemis: Yes! Short and spiteful!
General discussion about Karma's player not dominating the game.
OOC Artemis: No, Karma just manages to dominate the other characters!
Artemis (to servant): Step outside, and guard the door from all comers. If any enter it will be death for you and the one who enters. I warn you, if any see me naked, it is instant death. A long and painful instant death.
Karma: Unfortunately, I was hit by a wayward carriage.
Bleys: Well I hope you showed it who was boss.
(Um.... well.... no.)
Dictating a letter to Lord Bertrand to send to Alfonz the Tailor:
Artemis: The clothes are very complicated and ornate. The underwear is very distracting. Please send more.
What happens when Dworkin makes a Trump of you in his own blood:
Damon (to Karma): What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here! There is something bad afoot here! And I am bleeding from strange places!!!
Running towards the battle:
Artemis (to Bleys): Dad! Get out of the way!
DM Neil: Litten by the light of the lightening, you see her face.
Peanut gallery: Litten???
Karma (Bad Stuff Girl): I kick it in the knee!
DM Neil: It collapses. And... falls on top of you.
Karma is currently hanging 8 metres off the ground, holding onto a beam, with a nasty bad guy throwing barrels at her:
OOC Artemis: Where is Gerry when you need him?? Trump him! Trump him! Pull him through!!
DM Neil: Celine comes running down.
Karma: I look up at her and ask if she's alright.
DM Neil: Celine calls for a stretcher for you.
Feeding the rumour mill...
Damon (to servant): And when Artemis returns, have someone send her to my rooms!
Karma: There was a woman on the mountain flinging lightening.
Gerard: Oh my god! it was Fiona, wasn't it?
(No, it wasn't.)
OOC Dietrich: So are all of you Princes and Princesses?
OOC Karma: Yes, but some of us are more aware of our rank than others.
OOC Damon: Yes, well, I am aware of my rank, but Karma makes me feel like a punk with a sword.
Describing Dietrich:
DM Neil: You see a sleazy looking guy who is possible very cool as well.
Describing Damon:
Damon: He looks a little foppish.
Dietrich: So, he looks effeminate?
Damon: No! Well... Ummm. No.
(Launches into description. Damon looks a little foppish.)
DM Neil (to Dietrich): Gerard is about 6'5"
OOC Damon: Across the shoulders...
Karma tries to convince Artemis not to take her puppies on the ship:
Karma: Maybe you should take them back to the Puppery. Kennels.
Directed at Dietrich, Captain of the Tiburon Jig, and Royal Cousin:
Artemis: Very good! You may sail now!
Dietrich (to Gerard): Well, don't die of the plague now.
Artemis summons Dietrich to her (formerly his) cabin:
Dietrich: I shall go and appear to be appropriately grovelly and mildly annoyed.
Karma throws Artemis into the sea for being disrespectful to Dworkin. Calisto dives in after her Goddess.
Artemis (to Calisto): It's a pity you're not a Sea Nymph, Calisto.
Calisto chuckles. (She's a wood nymph.)
Artemis (to Jasmine): How many more can you fit on that carpet?
OOC Damon: There's already a Moore on there!
OOC Jasmine: I am not a Moore!
An oft-repeated phrase:
Dietrich: I am NOT a pirate! I am a privateer!!!
Regarding the sandstorm that shredded the enemy:
Dietrich: That wasn't very subtle.
Jasmine: I don't do subtle.
Damon: How many more of those sandstorms do you have?
Jasmine: How many will we need?
Damon: Hopefully only the one - if they're all like that!
Jasmine: I can do that if we have the time.
Damon: How much time do you need?
Jasmine: (thinks) About five hours.
Damon: I don't think we can keep Hera distracted for that long.
Hellacian Archer: It's the traitor!!
Artemis: What?!
DM Neil: The archers all turn and start shooting at you.
Artemis: It's a lie! It's a lie! I run away very fast!!
Artemis: (running) Oh, I am in so much trouble!
Damon: I can't believe you killed 81 people!!!
Artemis: I did not! I only killed 80! One was an accident!
OOC Karma: Oh, look! Artemis is about to hyperventilate in fury!
Artemis (to dying archer): Yes, yes... Gurgle, gurgle...
DM Neil: Artemis is the Goddess of the Moon, not the Goddess of Good Hearing.
What did the DM just say?
Dietrich (to Artemis): Bad Karma! Bad Karma!
Karma: I'm Karma! She's Artemis!
Dietrich: Whatever...
Karma gives Artemis some philosophical advice.
DM Neil: I thought still waters ran deep... Not big choppy waves. (With hand actions.)
OOC Karma: If Karma were a body of water, she'd be big choppy waves!
Artemis: At least someone is explaining things to me.
Dietrich: Mutter... Mutter... I thought you already knew everything... Mutter... Mutter...
DM Neil: Artemis!
The sound of the DM calling your name heralds impending doom....
OOC Artemis: If I don't look at you, you can't see me!!!
When things don't quite make sense:
"It's a magical place!"
When the pronunciation or spelling isn't quite right:
"Well, that's how they say/spell it in Thari!"
Damon (to Gerard): ... So, don't shoot the mesenger, okay?
OOC Artemis: This is Amber! Guns don't work! He could hang you, though...
OOC Damon: You can shoot with a crossbow or a bow, you realise, Little Miss Expert on Everything.
OOC Artemis: Helloooo! I am a Goddess, you know!
OOC Damon: You could send Hades as an ambassador.
OOC Artemis: No, I don't think that Hades' attitude will really work. "...Cower brief mortals..."
Apollo the first-time ambassador:
Apollo (to Gerard): I don't think Amber would like us to make alliances with people that Amber would not like us to make alliances with.
Discussing Pirating (or Privateering) in a new Shadow:
Dietrich (to Karma): Well, they screamed in French. It was extra incentrive.
Artemis: We don't abuse the Hyperborean slaves. But if they don't work, we'll kill them.
OOC Damon (to Artemis): What you need is some Death Nymphs.
DM Neil snarfs coffee.
OOC Damon: Well, you have every other kind of Nymph...
DM Neil: Yes, I can see them in Iron Maiden shirts, and punk haircuts...
Artemis convinces Damon to join in for the Games at Olympus.
OOC Jasmine: You haven't told him about the uniform yet!
OOC Damon: I am not wearing a skirt!
DM Neil: No... You won't be wearing a skirt...
OOC Damon: If I am in the buff, I will be very disappointed!
OOC Jasmine: Life is full of disappointments.
Damon: I shall wear breeches!
Artemis: No, no, you can't wear pants! You'll stand out, and that would be embarassing!
OOC Artemis: Go on, belly dance and get him all frustrated.
OOC Jasmine: No, that's mean.
OOC Damon: Do a dance for him, get him all frustrated, and then ask for something big!
Peanut Gallery laughs.
OOC Karma: So, are you going to sleep with him?
OOC Jasmine: Well, it's not like he's ugly...
Damon: Athene drives up. Dalt drives down.
He was talking about war tactics...
Five minutes sooner, and Damon wouldn't have opened the door...
Damon: I open the door.
Artemis: Freaky things have just happened with the redheads and Karma! Please come!
Damon: I just did...
OOC Damon (to Jasmine): You are Dalt's party favour!
Everyone else (to Damon): You are Athene's party favour!!!
Artemis (to Helen, the 4th freaky redhead child): ...And don't eat that blood!
DM Neil: She licks her hand slowly.
Artemis: Oooh! You are so festy!!!
Damon: What do you want to do, Rupert? (The 1st freaky redhead child.)
DM Neil: After some thought, he looks and says, "I want to paint."
Damon: Paint what?
Rupert: People...
Peanut Gallery: Trump artist! Trump artist!
Artemis: I hand him a napkin and some squashed fruit.
DM Neil: He looks at it curiously.
Artemis: (flips her hand at him) Be creative.
OOC Damon: I was willing to allow that Karma knew what she was doing. Right up to the point where she started eating Brand's blood.
Hellacian Servant (to Damon): Karma requests your presence at your earliest convenience.
Damon: Is she injured?
Servant: No.
Damon: That's a change.
OOC Damon (to Karma): You had to eat the blood...
This is a common thing for anyone to say to Karma.
OOC Karma (to Artemis): Don't you dare take my freaky little redhead away!
Damon is not enthusiastic about the upcoming duel.
Damon: Name your time, then.
Drake: Tomorrow at dawn! Name your place.
OOC Jasmine: Pattern! Center of!
Damon: If I hadn't carried you through our exams, you wouldn't have gotten anywhere.
Drake: You lie!!!
Damon: (sadly) You never were very bright.
Drake: Oh, yeah??
OOC Damon: Spell hypothesis then!
The Oracle of Delphi is currently infected with Broken Pattern, and residing with Dworkin. Artemis and Helen discuss the "new" Oracle:
Artemis: Is she the Oracle?
Helen: No, not yet.
Artemis: She will become the Oracle when the old Oracle dies?
Helen: Yes...
Artemis: Has anyone got a Trump of Dworkin?
Damon: Artemis, No!!!
OOC Artemis: Hi Dworkin, just here to kill your little friend...
Athene: You shall have to keep your magic a secret. So, no magic Artemis!
Artemis: (looking disappointed) Okay.
Damon: I shall keep my magic in check too.
OOC Jasmine: Ziiipppp.
OOC Karma: I shouldn't have drunk the blood.
Noah is a little lippy to Joseph, leader of Dalt's armies:
Noah: I was sent here to help.
Joseph: What can you do?
Noah: Whatever needs to be done.
Joseph: Okay, we need the gates of Palmyra opened.
Noah: A little more information, perhaps?
Joseph: There is a gate. To the city. And we need it opened.
Pithy sayings that don't quite work:
Noah (to Dalt): I am doing what I am told to be done.
Noah strangles his opponents.
OOC Karma (to DM Neil): That's not fair! How come his opponents have necks?! My opponents never do!!!
Noah: So, I'm stuck in a room with ten men?
DM Neil: Yes.
Noah: Can I projectile vomit at them?
Noah: Can we search for them?
Skye (freaky redhead child 5): It would be dangerous.
Noah: Even for me??
During a Trump contact:
OOC Jasmine (to Noah): Can you turn around? I want to have a look at them.
Noah captures a redheaded man, and brings him back to Jasmine.
Jasmine: What are you going to do with him?
Noah: Well, I haven't really thought that far ahead.
Noah, the cold-blooded killer:
Jasmine: You can take out his eyes, then he won't do it again.
Noah: Can we do it humanely??
Noah lets his freaky redhead child get captured by the redheaded men:
Peanut Gallery: Do you know what they're probably doing to her?
Noah: They're not doing anything to her! They're giving her milk and cookies!
Noah gets browbeaten by Karma:
Noah: But... Umm.... But... ...Aww man!
Noah goes and does as he's told.
Noah (to Gerard): I'm just a pawn! I'm just a pawn! I don't know anything!
Karma: I always get injured, and it's never my fault.
Artemis: Why did you run away?
Helen: I didn't like it there.
Artemis: Was it a bad place?
Helen: Yes.
Artemis: Can you take me there?
OOC Artemis (to Karma): I did not shoot you. I shot your uterus!
Artemis spent the latter part of the night in the infirmary guarding the demon redhead baby.
Artemis (to Noah): I spent the night throwing tongue depressors at the anti-Christ.
OOC Artemis (to Noah): You're from Chaos! Do something Chaosy!
Whilst talking to Karma:
Damon: I wisely do not mention the Uterine Sniper.
Jasmine: Can you live with the consequences of this if Karma will not forgive you?
Damon: (nonchalantly) Yes.
Jasmine: Fair enough.
DM Neil: You get a feeling that you want to take the baby with you.
Noah: A feeling in the back of my head?
DM Neil: No...
Noah: Oh, in the front of my head...
OOC Damon: The anti-Artemis talisman - the demon baby on a chord around your neck!
Damon: The redheads got your last child!
Noah: Well, that is because I allowed them to.
Benedict: Who are you?
Artemis: I am Artemis, your commander at this point.
Benedict looks displeased.
OOC Artemis: Shadow of Benedict! He has to be a Shadow of Benedict!
Artemis (to Benedict): I don't suppose you could summon the other Elders, could you? We have a small Brand problem.
Benedict raises an eyebrow.
And, in impromptu fencing lesson with Benedict.
Artemis: I strike a pose.
OOC Damon: I did not teach her to fence like that! She's showing the fencing style of House Effete!
Benedict: Do you have any useful skills?
Noah: I'm an Ideas Man.
Peanut Gallery: Laughter. Lots of laughter.
After a brief fencing lesson:
Benedict (to Noah): Practice more.
Jasmine: Would you like to go next or last?
Artemis: Sure will!
Jasmine: Did I just miss part of the answer?
DM Neil (to Jasmine): Something touches your (cursing) ring.
Damon: If anything touches my ring, they'll pay!
Artemis describes Noah:
Artemis (to Brand-Clone): Can you keep an eye out for one of our friends? He acts a lot like me.
OOC Karma (about Artemis): Wow! She's looking before she leaps!
Karma: Kick in the door!!
Jasmine: Can't we just open it normally?
Karma: It isn't dramatic enough! Oh my God, I've spent too much time in Hellas!
Artemis: I will tie them up with computer cable!
DM Neil: It seems to be a wireless office.
Artemis: I shall tie them up with wireless cable, then!
Artemis (to DM Neil): Is there anyone sitting at the mahogany desk?
OOC Karma: I hope so as I would hate to harangue a desk!
Discussing the string games that could be played by apes with eight arms/legs. Picture the hand gestures to go with this.
DM Neil: And this.... (hand and feet gestures) ... is a Viking Ship! Oooh! Look! You can see the little men! And this... (expansive hand and feet gestures) ...is the Battle of Hastings! (more hand gestures) Look, pull this string... and the men are moving!! And now... (furious hand and feet gestures) ...Benedict! With real chopping action!
OOC Karma is in the midst of reading her poetry contribution - How Amber's Heroes were Tricked into Rescuing Brand and Adopting his Children:
OOC Karma: Brave Artemis stood guard to defend her cousin...
OOC Artemis: But I wasn't defending her!
OOC Karma: I know.
OOC Jasmine: Well, it is a heroic poem!
OOC Artemis: Aahhh! Overwhelming use of Poetic License!
Oft-used "regular" quotes:
Accompanied by a mini hand/finger wiggle near face: "Hellooo!"
In response to any mention of stomach shooting: "Uterus!!"
Whenever the word Pirate is mentioned in conjunction with Dietrich: "Privateer!"
Directed at Jasmine: "Bol - u- der!" Followed by: "Fuck you, fuck you all!"
To freak out Karma, when pretending to be Bleys: "You remind me of your mother."
Usually directed at Karma: "You just had to eat the blood..."
And, whenever possible: "The same, slightly smaller, with a side salad."
Regarding Dworkin using an old trump of Brand as a base for drawing a temporary trump of Damon out of blood:
OOC Karma: It was a reasonable request! I just asked Dworkin for a trump of Damon! I didn't ask for the Blood Trump of Doom!!
Peanut Gallery: (In refrain) Jasmine's got a boy-friend...
Jasmine (to DM Neil): I need to find a very fast Shadow.
OOC Karma: And then you can find a Chicken of your desire!
Karma has done this before.
DM Neil: Eight men walk into the tavern. They are tall, thin, and pale.
Jasmine: Goths?
Jasmine: Hellrugging! Now!
Artemis (to Gerard): Still alive I see, Uncle.
OOC Artemis and Karma: Don't die of the plague.
OOC Artemis (about herself): She is a walking headache creator!
OOC Damon (to Artemis): Don't try too hard! When you just do things, it turns out okay. When you try to help, you just cause problems.
Damon (to DM Neil): As we shift with the army, I am leaving hideous booby traps behind us.
Peanut gallery: Oooh! Booby traps!
OOC Jasmine: Poor Bleys if he's following us...
OOC DM Neil (as Bleys): Aaaargh! Oooh! Booby. Mmmmm.
Artemis: (Describing Arden) I like this forest! It is so... so... foresty!
DM Neil: He is 8 foot tall, broad across the shoulders, and has the head of a stag.
Artemis: He has a stag head?
DM Neil: Yes.
Artemis: That would look great on my wall.
Artemis is having a hard time, with chastity vs non-chaste thoughts, stag headed men, and a really bad war looming.
Artemis: I don't know what to do!!! I'll nap.
Artemis (to Benedict): So! What is our plan of attack??
OOC Jasmine (as Benedict): You are going to lead charges continuosly. Until you die.
Artemis: Well, motherhood lasted a whole three months.
Artemis: I follow the lion tracks, edging them closer to the Shadow of my desire.
OOC Jasmine (to Artemis): Three nights! I made Dalt chase me for a week and a half!
Artemis recently heard that if you're 'on top', you can't get pregnant. Unfortunately, the Goddess of Chastity has no idea what this means.
DM Neil: You have been having very one-sided dreams.
Artemis: But I don't know anything about sex!
DM Neil: You are having dreams that you're on top. Really high. On his shoulders.
Artemis: (feeling lovesick) I think I'm nesting. I have to lie down.
In the middle of a practice session:
Artemis (to Benedict): (still feeling lovesick) Do you find me attractive, Uncle Benedict?
Jasmine: Well, it does take two to tango.
DM Neil: Unless you have an automatic tangoing machine.
Karma: Give Jasmine my best.
OOC Damon: Someone already has!
Karma arrives at dinner wearing queenly robes:
Artemis: You are looking... complicated tonight.
OOC Damon: Saucer of milk... Table five...
DM Neil (to Artemis): Benedict stares at you down the table.
OOC Damon: Smile and show off your cleavage at him.
OOC Artemis: You can't show off cleavage in a deerskin tunic!
DM Neil mimes lifting a tunic over his head.
DM Neil: You see Benedict trying to open a recalcitrant drawer.
Artemis: Wait, he only has one arm???
DM Neil: Yes.
Artemis (to Benedict): Do you want a hand?
DM Neil: Benedict gives you a death stare.
Discussing people under Tatiana's rule:
Fiona: How many have you met?
Artemis: Some...
Fiona gives Artemis an inscrutable look.
Artemis: A few... Well... There's this guy. (with goofy expression)
OOC Damon: I just think it's funny that you're hitting on your stagman while wearing a deerskin tunic.
OOC Artemis: Oooh... yes.
OOC Damon: Maybe that's why you haven't been getting lucky...
Karma is attacked by assassins, and responds by attacking them with fists:
OOC Artemis: I would have shot them.
Karma: But I don't even have any weapons with me!
OOC Damon: You'd better hope that they have necks!
Damon: I'm wondering how long it will take for Karma to realise that she's left Gwendolyn alone on the docks.
Karma: She's fine! She's safe, she's with children and whores.
OOC Artemis (to Karma): You have the freakiest kid.
OOC Jasmine: And you have how many children?
OOC Artemis: Ten... But at least I don't treat them like they're real!
DM Neil (to Jasmine): It's time for your morning tea with Fiona.
OOC Damon: Speaking of whores...
Artemis answers a Trump call:
DM Neil: It's your Aunt Fiona.
Artemis: Oooh! Hello!
DM Neil: She looks a little pale and haggard.
Artemis: Gee, you look pale and haggard.
DM Neil: You see a man who looks sleazy, but possibly very cool as well.
Damon: Dietrich?
DM Neil: Yes. He looks a little cowed...
Damon: Dietrich! What are you doing here? I would have thought they would have had to bring you in with chains!
Dietrich twitches slightly, gives a flase little laugh, gives Damon a narrow look, grabs a drink, and slugs it down. (DM Neil fills in for Dietrich's player - the similarity of expression was amazing.)
Damon: Oh... Who?
Dietrich: Benedict.
Damon: Oh.
Making polite conversation before dinner:
Julian (to Karma): Good to see you healthy, Karma.
OOC Damon: (from the corner, in a happy little voice) Brand is loose!
DM Neil snarfs his drink.
Describing Corwin:
DM Neil: He is a handsome looking man, with his...
OOC Jasmine: Handsome face?
On the topic of finding Karma a good man:
OOC Damon: You could marry Gerard. Nyk nyk nyk.
OOC Karma: I would rather marry Brand - at least he has motivations that I can understand. Gerard is just a stupid, fat drunk.
Everyone watches as Corwin chats up Artemis at the dinner table.
OOC Karma: Well, he has been dead for a very long time...
OOC Jasmine: Well, he is a man. He would have... needs...
OOC Damon: Hell look at Brand! He was only in the Abyss a day or so before he caught up with Karma!
Julian dodges the subject when Damon asks him direct questions:
Damon (to DM Neil): Well, if that's all he's going to say on the subject, then I'm not going to push him.
OOC Karma: (quietly) I would have...
Damon: Thank you for answering my questions.
Julian: Well, you are my son, of course.
Julian extends a hand to shake.
Random: Long live me!
Some impromptu and very bad Haiku:
The King is back,
Long live the King!
I thought he would be taller.
Corwin mentions to Artemis that he's been to Hellas:
Artemis: You didn't get your testicles cut off, and have them thrown into the sea, which then turned into a beautiful woman who was then corrupted by the dark side, did you?
Describing the Pattern:
Corwin: The Pattern is a wonderful thing. And all swirly.
OOC Artemis: Is that what he really says???
DM Neil: No. He says something eloquent, and more Corwin-esque.
Corwin: Are you sure you want to transport yourself into a hostile Shadow?
Artemis: What could possibly go wrong?
Noah's player has been missing for 5 game sessions, and Noah was trasported to Brand Land without his consent. He has no clue what's been happening.
DM Neil: So Noah, what are you doing?
Noah: (startled) Huh?!?!?!
DM Neil: He jabs the stick into your gut.
Noah: The bastard!
DM Neil: You feel an electric shock.
Noah: A nasty electric shock?
Peanut Gallery: Is there any other type????
Noah cuts a terrifying swathe of death through Brand Land:
Peanut Gallery: That wasn't very humane, Noah.
Noah has a machine gun:
OOC Artemis: Oooh! Look! Rambo Noah! Ramboa! Nombo!
OOC Noah shoots Artemis a look that so eloquently says, "That was pathetic."
Clone Brand: The reinforcements are two hours away.
Noah: So, how far away are the enemy?
Clone Brand: (pause) Two hours away.
Noah: Oooh! Their reinforcements! What about our reinforcements?
Clone Brand: We don't have any.
Noah: Oh.
Noah: Are there any windows?
OOC Damon: It's kinda pointless to have a blast door if there are windows to smash in.
Artemis notices Greyswandir:
Artemis: So Corwin, are you going to bequeath that sword to anyone?
Corwin arrives with Artemis to 'help' Noah win the war:
Noah: (a little put out) So you're going to march directly on the capital?
Corwin: Yes. Amatuer hour is over.
Peanut gallery: Oooooooh! Harsh!
Corwin wins the next battle with no casualties:
Soldiers: No-ah! No-ah! No-ah!
Corwin looks a little put out.
Noah: Nice job, Corwin. Not bad for second in command.
Corwin: Touche.
Corwin: You're lucky I like your father.
Noah: You're lucky you like my father!
Corwin: Don't push it.
Artemis: Let's go around the next city and attack the capital.
Corwin: Good idea.
Artemis: Tell (clone) Brand what to do.
Corwin: Yes, I will.
Noah: Brand, Corwin will brief you on the battle plan.
Corwin (about Artemis): I take her out for a drink, and end up invading a foreign country!
Courtesy of Damon, the contents of the poem that Dalt wrote for Jasmine:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Get yourself naked,
And I'll have sex with you!
or
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
You may be pregnant,
But we can still have sex until the third trimester.
Karma: King Random, I have a request. I want the key to Brand's room.
Random: Are you insane?!
Karma: Yes.
Random: Oh. Okay then.
Jasmine: This is dangerous.
Karma: Everything good is dangerous.
DM Neil: You find some love letters in Brand's bookcase. They contain some really freaky stuff.
Karma: I put them in my pile of stuff to take.
OOC Damon: Then you can run around the castle colleting handwriting samples.
Regarding the location of the twelfth freakly little redhead:
Dietrich: So, who has the other one?
Artemis: Kar... Someone.
Julian has a sense of humour????
Discussing his armour:
Damon: Going to the toilet must be really difficult...
Julian: It has special flaps.
DM Neil: Benedict almost gives you a response.
DM Neil: You receive a Trump call. It's Fiona.
Artemis: Fi! ...ona.
Minor character-drift...
A possible sign above Fiona's room:
Knowledge! Apply within.
Fiona: You are very much your father's daughter.
Artemis: (proudly) Yes, I am!
OOC Damon: You realise that she just called you a wanker?
Artemis: I have a strange urge to slap Damon.
DM Neil (to Artemis): You are doing the backstroke in the nuddy when you receive a Trump call.
Discussing Random and her shadow, Hellas:
Artemis (to Fiona): I am not letting it go for anyone! Especially not for some tin-pot little king.
OOC Karma: What everyone wants to say...
Artemis (to Random): (waves offhandedly) Have my fealty.
Damon: I am beginning to suspect that the Idiot Bleys is responsible for this.
DM Neil: Well... Indirectly, he is.
Artemis was responsible for destroying the feast.
Karma: Things to do... Fuck Joseph.
Artemis shows Corwin the Trump of the man who hit her in Tir Na Nogth:
Artemis: So, who is that?
Corwin: Oberon.
Artemis: Vicious old sod, isn't he?
The feast was long, and Artemis was tired.
Artemis: I could rest my head in Corwin's lap.
Peanut gallery: Oooooooh!
OOC Artemis: He's my uncle, for God's sake!
OOC Jasmine: Uncle, smuncle. He he he.
Artemis: I swear to do everything in your name!!
OOC Random: Was that a threat??
OOC Artemis: I always have good intentions!
DM Neil: The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
OOC Artemis: The road to Hellas is paved with good intentions!
Artemis (to Benedict): Fuck you!
Everyone else: Oooooooooh!
During martial training with Benedict:
DM Neil (to Artemis): Are you actually trying?
Artemis: Well, I am trying, but I like him, so I'm not hitting too hard.
Artemis (to Benedict): What if I accidently get you?
Talking to Clint, one of Benedict's men, about his romantic woes:
Artemis: Maybe you'll find someone. I know I always feel better having a woman around.
Artemis (to Benedict): About these early morning sessions... Could we schedule them for after lunch?
OOC Artemis: It's not my fault! I just have these impulses!
During the council of war:
Artemis: Random has the Jewel of Judgement. (looks at Random) That's you.
Random: Thank you for the affirmation.
Benedict: I am lookin for volunteers who want to go to Ghenesh.
Artemis: (immediately) Me!!!
OOC Karma: Who didn't see that coming?
OOC Damon: I feel the same way as you would if Gwendolyn was hurt by someone.
OOC Karma: You have an unnatural atatchment to your ship.
OOC Damon: You are talking to me about unnatural attachments?!
Karma: I land fist first in his face.
DM Neil: The carriage is tittering on two wheels.
OOC Artemis: Tittering? It's laughing? Don't you mean teetering?
Artemis - Wielder of the red pen of correction!
Guess who has a little shape-shift...
Karma: I go-go-gadget fingers to his eyes!
DM Neil: He wasn't expecting that...
Karma: I leap across to the next roof.
DM Neil: You get an arrow in the gut.
Karma: Does it slow me down?
DM Neil: Yes, yes it does.
OOC Karma: That sounded so much cooler in my head.
Karma uses a dubious Trump that Brand made, whilst holding on to the dead body of one of the assassins:
DM Neil: You make contact.
Karma: Yes!
DM Neil: ...You disappear.
Karma: Do I still have the body with me?
DM Neil: Yes.
Karma: Well, if nothing else, I still have the body.
OOC Artemis: Revenge of the body snatchers!
DM Neil (to Damon): Karma lands on your floor with some weird-ass guy who is dead. He has an arrow in his back and his throat is slut.
Benedict: This dagger...
OOC Damon: (interrupting) ...is very sharp. Can someone get me a band-aid?
Artemis concocts a battle-plan for the Rangers hidden around a Gheneshian fortress:
Artemis: The plan is... to open the gates!
OOC Jasmine: Genius. Pure, military genius.
After Jasmine magically speeds up Damon's ship, while he's not aboard:
Jasmine: Dietrich?
Dietrich: Yes, Jasmine?
Jasmine: I do not think Damon would be happy if the Lady Luck happened to burst her seams.
Dietrich: She will be fine, Jasmine.
Jasmine: What is that noise then, Dietrich?
Dietrich: Just the sails, Jasmine... Just the sails...
Jasmine gives Dietrich a look.
Dietrich: (sighs) When we are far away from the Gheneshians, then we will slow down to a normal pace.
Jasmine: Well, cousin, I can get to safety off a sinking ship in the middle of an ocean. Can you?
Dietrich grins evilly.
Discussing Artemis' player's Trump contributions:
OOC Jasmine: Do some more detailed ones! With amazing backgrounds!
OOC Artemis: Do you know how long they take???
OOC Damon: Big ones! A life-size oil!!
OOC Artemis: I can't even do watercolours properly!
OOC Damon: Hold on. You'll only have to do one Trump as your whole contribution. But it'll have to be an active one!
Damon and Karma were talking over Trump, when...
DM Neil (to Damon): The Trump call stops suddenly.
DM Neil (to Karma): A familiar voice says over the Trump, "This is dangerous. It is a trap." You recognise the voice, Karma. It's Gwendolyn.
Karma: Gwendolyn! What are you doing?! Isn't it past your bedtime?!
Karma: Let's go for a walk.
Artemis: Excellent! It is good for your constitution! And we can kill breakfast, too!
OOC Karma: I don't respond to that...
Artemis: We are in trouble.
Karma: I know.
Artemis: Well, we have two options...
Karma smiles. She has said this before.
OOC Karma: I am resisting the urge to say, "Three options".
Artemis (to Scout): If you find our dead and mangled bodies, head back to Amber.
Karma: They can't get back to Amber if we're dead!
Artemis: Don't tell them that! It will ruin morale!
The Scout looks pained.
Karma: It's simple. What we need to do is take our twenty rangers and us, and defeat the 4000 men and then open the gates to the city within four days.
Artemis: You've been hanging around me for too long!
Artemis explains to DM Neil that she really is going to take on fifty Gheneshian skirmishers:
Artemis: Honey! (making relevant hand gestures) Bow! Sword! Artemis!
DM Neil: You hear "Rally! Rally!" called out by the Gheneshians.
Artemis: Ooh! Ooh! I run over there!!
DM Neil: You're in a bit of a lull.
Artemis: A lull! No! I look for more action!
Karma: I dodge!
OOC Artemis: Yes, she finally learns shapeshifting so that she can heal herself, and now she starts to dodge?!
DM Neil: Damon, you're getting a Trump call.
Damon waits expectantly for the DM to continue.
DM Neil holds up his hand to Damon in a 'bide' gesture.
Damon: You are biding me?? Again??
DM Neil: (plaintively) I had a mouthful of food!
All the Shadow Paths to Amber have been blocked off.
Gerard: You can't take the regular route.
OOC Damon (in Hellas): I am having a regular root.
Damon: I put him (Sage, Damon's first-born son) back in the nursery.
DM Neil: From here?
OOC Damon mimes throwing the baby like a basketball.
OOC Damon: Nothing but air!
Dietrich: Trim that sail! You! Do something nautical!
Royal Navy Sailor: Arr, sir.
Gerard has outlined a plan to return to Amber via a "back" way, through treacherous reefs, and an impassable cliff face:
Damon (to Dietrich): He says that he knows of a way to get around the back.
OOC Jasmine: He would...
Damon (to Dietrich): But he saus that he's only done it once.
OOC Karma: That's what he tells you...
They come across a wagon hitched to a single bullock:
Karma: Can you drive?
Artemis: Uhh... Not that.
OOC DM Neil: Artemis stands up in front of the wagon and flails around with the whip. "Yaaa! Yaaa!"
OOC Damon: Yes! If they go too slow, she can kill one as an example to the others!
OOC DM Neil: There's only one bullock!
OOC Jasmine: It wouldn't dare go slow again.
Artemis: Can you manage being subservient?
Karma: Yes. Can you?
Artemis: I have been practicing!
Peanut gallery: Laughter. Lots of laughter.
Karma: I don't have a deck of cards with me...
Artemis and Karma: We can play with our Trumps!
OOC DM Neil: Do you have a Brand? Yes! Aaaargh!!!!
DM Neil (to Karma): Her Trump of Brand looks... "odd".
OOC Jasmine: It might be the antennae...
Artemis (to Karma): (maniacal look) Do you want to try it??
Karma: Yes!
OOC Jasmine: Who let you two out together?
OOC Artemis (to Karma): You are supposed to be looking out for me!
Karma: I would be pale, if it was not for the fact that I am heavily tanned.
OOC Damon: That would be a good name for an army office... General Commotion...
DM Neil: Dalt kind of asks you in a roundabout way if maybe you should get married.
Jasmine: In a roundabout way, I tell him, "Hell no!"
OOC Artemis: How do you say that in a roundabout way?!
On seeing very heavy and large raindrops:
DM Neil and Damon: Chubby rain!
OOC Karma: (to Damon) If Julian sent you Morgenstern... (to Artemis) and Bleys sent you his sword... What will I get from Fiona?? Her brain??
Regarding her date with Bleys:
OOC Karma: I wasn't going to fuck him for information! But if it came up...
Damon (to Random): Morgenstern turned up. Sans Dad!
OOC Artemis (to DM Neil): If you have killed my father, you are going to sleep on the couch!
DM Neil: It doesn't work.
Artemis: But I have lots of Psyche!
DM Neil: Good for you!
They're talking about where Dietrich's ship is:
Damon (to Dietrich): I hope it's close, as Jasmine is capable of jumping us.
OOC Jasmine grins evilly and slams her fist into her palm...
OOC Artemis: Oh my God! Artemis is experiencing her first angst! Now I'm the same as you guys!
OOC Jasmine: Jasmine wasn't supposed to be this angsty.
OOC Artemis: Artemis wasn't supposed to be this loopy.
OOC Karma: And Karma wasn't supposed to be this power-hungry.
DM Neil (to Damon): Random tells you where the Jewel of Judgement is hidden.
OOC Karma: But Damon is supposed to be that trustworthy!